paradise without purpose

12/03/21

It is the first day of spring. Back home there have been record breaking warm days. An earthquake in Mexico yesterday.

I have spent so much time and so many years searching for the perfect spot. I have been in many places - like here - where it is just so beautiful, achingly beautiful. But I never seem to plan for what to do once I get here. The initial aha and then what? I finally understand the 2 week vacation. Just enough and then you go home. My insistance on extending the experience -wanting to live it "forever", catches me up every time. There are only so many books to read. Only so many conversations to be had. Now that walking is such a challenge, this is all that is left for me. The "goal" of being present in every moment - I have not mastered it despite all my good intentions. To be honest, I am bored. I hate to admit it. It is so ungrateful. But if I want to look at all this clearly and honestly, I must face it. There is only so much hanging around I can do.


So it is time to rethink this solitary winter wandering. I have always wanted to be passionate about something. I am envious of those who have a passion for something - a beloved hobby, a musical bent, a creative urge. My work has given me satisfaction but that too will have its limits soon. Hmm.