24/03/10
Living and travelling alone, I tend to forget the feeling of male energy. Being a certain age now, with sex a distant memory, my most frequent encounters with others are conversations, sharing stories. But I stay in my own little energy bubble. I don't long for physical contact. I forget about it. Then a physical touch and it all floods back, the memory of strength and solidity. The Other.
Yesterday we went to the waterfalls. Two fishing boats with 2 foreigners in each. The other boat was manned by our guesthouse owner. Ours by a relative and his young daughter. The daughter, a girl of maybe 12 (turns out she is 15) stayed in the front of the boat to guide us thru the rocks. Then she went behind to bail water. She was always smiling and laughing and occasionally singing. Her father, small, wiry and dark, was quiet except for a frequent clearing of his throat.
The boatride was in itself quite lovely. We glided between small islands. Uninhabited. Sometimes only an outcropping with rocks and trees. The occasional lone water buffalo. We landed at a muddy shore and clambered out. A rocky path, strewn with roots and branches. We climbed over and around rocks and finally had to start jumping over the rocks and fording streams. At this point , I balked. The fear started rising. An old foot deformity gives me poor balance and images of falling and bloody legs were crowding my vision. Our boatman extended his hand and I took it. He was wearing flipflops but stood firm on the rock. He guided me over the different parts. pointing to where I should place my foot. At certain points I held his hand, at others I grabbed his forearm or leaned on his shouolder. His arm was taut and firm. I could feel his energy entering thru my hand. Male energy. I felt safe, protected. Infused with security and strength. It was immediate. It was pleasing and comforting. Memories of maleness came pouring in. I hadn't missed it. But how nice to remember it again.
On the way back , it ws the young girl who extended her hand. The man was gone ahead. Perhaps he had felt the infusion of female. I did not trust the strength in her hand tho she offered it to me smilingly. I took it only on occasion when necessary. On the boat ride home, sun setting in front of us, I felt peaceful and complete. It had been a long time since I had felt this gentle calm. I had planned to leave tomorrow but I will stay another day.
Living and travelling alone, I tend to forget the feeling of male energy. Being a certain age now, with sex a distant memory, my most frequent encounters with others are conversations, sharing stories. But I stay in my own little energy bubble. I don't long for physical contact. I forget about it. Then a physical touch and it all floods back, the memory of strength and solidity. The Other.
Yesterday we went to the waterfalls. Two fishing boats with 2 foreigners in each. The other boat was manned by our guesthouse owner. Ours by a relative and his young daughter. The daughter, a girl of maybe 12 (turns out she is 15) stayed in the front of the boat to guide us thru the rocks. Then she went behind to bail water. She was always smiling and laughing and occasionally singing. Her father, small, wiry and dark, was quiet except for a frequent clearing of his throat.
The boatride was in itself quite lovely. We glided between small islands. Uninhabited. Sometimes only an outcropping with rocks and trees. The occasional lone water buffalo. We landed at a muddy shore and clambered out. A rocky path, strewn with roots and branches. We climbed over and around rocks and finally had to start jumping over the rocks and fording streams. At this point , I balked. The fear started rising. An old foot deformity gives me poor balance and images of falling and bloody legs were crowding my vision. Our boatman extended his hand and I took it. He was wearing flipflops but stood firm on the rock. He guided me over the different parts. pointing to where I should place my foot. At certain points I held his hand, at others I grabbed his forearm or leaned on his shouolder. His arm was taut and firm. I could feel his energy entering thru my hand. Male energy. I felt safe, protected. Infused with security and strength. It was immediate. It was pleasing and comforting. Memories of maleness came pouring in. I hadn't missed it. But how nice to remember it again.
On the way back , it ws the young girl who extended her hand. The man was gone ahead. Perhaps he had felt the infusion of female. I did not trust the strength in her hand tho she offered it to me smilingly. I took it only on occasion when necessary. On the boat ride home, sun setting in front of us, I felt peaceful and complete. It had been a long time since I had felt this gentle calm. I had planned to leave tomorrow but I will stay another day.
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